It's been a minute since I've last shared what's been going on in my world. I cant begin to explain the eventful year I've been experiencing thus far. It has been some roller coaster ride to say the least, and it aint over yet. I had to go through the thick of it for me to get to where I am now.....total "Peace". I've let go of my friend "Depression". I just finally had to call it quits. We got into a big fight. I knew it was our last one...I could sense it. There was something different about this one, I knew it was over. For some reason I have to go through things the hard way for me to actually "get it". And boy did it get ugly. But I needed this, I needed to go through the pain for me to see things clearly and to appreciate what I have...which is a beautiful life. I have a beautiful life! Now I get it! I get what people say to me when they see the family I've been blessed with. My husband, and my beautiful children. And hey, I've realized that I'm not too bad myself. I had to look at myself in the mirror. You know...deeper than the make-up. I had to look deep into my soul and had to come to terms with why I felt depressed. What was the core reason? I was ashamed to admit it, but it was selfishness. Me? Selfish? No way! I tried to deny it, but my spirit wouldn't let me. It was a shock and I just had to do something about it. Now that I'm a mom..I feel so compelled to being the most excellent person to them. They are like sponges and they soak everything I do or say. I have to be the best for them as well to my Creator. Most people would think certainly you cant be "healed" from depression that quick. They would prefer I drug myself daily just to make themselves feel assured. But in my case it took a bad, horrific situation for me to realize I've been swimming in this sea of depression for way too long. Is it worth it? Is it really worth losing my family because "Jacita" is unhappy because of such and such. Life is so much bigger than little things we think are worth being worried about. When you are at the brink of losing it all, you will begin to see how important life really is, and how the cares of this world are really minuscule. It took that for me to rise...to Rise Violently, and enjoy the life God has graciously given me. I've missed out on so much, and now I'm ready to catch up. Who's with me? :)
